I have a confession to make: I had given up. Real life became too much, and I retreated deeply into myself, and just lost myself in video games to avoid my problems...and real life in general.
My art became a source of my despair. I didn't want to do anything, and any hopes or prospect of me breaking into the game or animation industry, well - extinguished.
My parents rarely saw me - I could barely bring myself to face them. My friends grew worried, and they hardly saw me...well, much less than the usual anyhow. It has been 6 months since I had a solid job, and I had given up on finding anything entirely.
I'm not proud to admit this, but this is the truth.
Then today, I read something. I was subscribed to Chris Oatley's blog, and I decided to read an entry. I usually ignore them, but today, for some reason, I opened up the email and read this: http://chrisoatley.com/animation-jobs-go-fast/?awt_l=OS4OA&awt_m=3XL7YBuTbdUGLtM
Now normally, when you see something like this when you're in a funk, it can just depress you further. But then I had a thought: I have met several "successful" artists up until now, and they all had the same attitude - that they were grateful that they were getting paid to do art in the first place. It dawned on me that even if they weren't getting paid, they'd still be doing it anyway. Every day. Because they enjoy it.
And instead of rushing to prepare a portfolio for each opportunity they see, they are instead preparing, everyday - so that when opportunity knocks, they can answer.
This attitude is also embodied in the Bible - something that I have not studied nor read in a very long time.
So, things have to change. I realize now that I shouldn't aim to make art just so I can land a job (although that would be nice) - I should create because I want to.
And when you enjoy yourself, it shows in your work - and maybe someday, someone else will see it, want it, and maybe even hire me for it.
The change won't be immediate, and my discipline is sorely lacking, but this is the first step I think.
The dream is still alive.
Thank you for reading.